


strong like silk

by nearlyacloud



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Abstract, Allegory, Body Image, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Plot/Plotless, Please don't think of bondage, Supportive Boyfriend Even, Unintentionally erotic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-23 04:03:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nearlyacloud/pseuds/nearlyacloud
Summary: There was a strip of silk wrapped around Isak. It was an unmistakable part of him: intertwining itself around his ankles, his legs, his middle, his arms. Most often it draped itself over his eyes and blurred his vision, making him lose sight of what was important.Or: Isak has a parasite in his life that he can't help but nurse.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	strong like silk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [atleastlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/atleastlove/gifts).

> Dedicated to my dearest friend who is incredibly supportive, caring and patient beyond words. I'm the most blessed to know you. Hope you like this fic, elsker deg. x
> 
> This got kind of interesting to write at times. I hope it makes at least some sense.
> 
> Please be mindful of the tags. I'd hate for this to hurt anyone. x
> 
> Happy reading!

There was a strip of silk wrapped around Isak. It was an unmistakable part of him: intertwining itself around his ankles, his legs, his middle, his arms. Most often it draped itself over his eyes and blurred his vision, making him lose sight of what was important. It also gifted him with horrible pains that made his insides twist and his head fuzzy.

The long and thin piece of cream colored fabric seemed neverending. It could stretch itself in length, grow more and more inches from both of its ends while never getting more sheer or unyielding.

Sometimes the silk ribbon loosened its hold on Isak - maybe falling down from his forehead or shoulders to his wrists, or even slithering down to his legs, leaving his upper body free. But on other times the serpentine-like strip grew more vicious and in one smooth movement coiled itself around his chest or neck, giving him heart palpitations and attempting to strangle him.

Even was also aware of the ribbon. It had first made itself known when he and Isak had been getting intimate at the early stages of their relationship. It had all been going smoothly, both were ecstatic and into it - until Isak had had to hit the breaks. He'd been so uncomfortable and ashamed, trying to explain himself around the matter before finally being honest and telling Even of the being that made his life difficult every single day.

It was after that occasion that Even had noticed how the ribbon was always there. In moments with Isak - walking outside, eating fresh pastries from the bakery right down the street, spending time with their friends or laying down in their bed, doing nothing - Even had a feeling the ribbon was bothering him. He could never physically see the tight restraints around Isak’s body, but when spending time with the boy he adored with all his heart, he was aware of almost like a third party between them. Someone, something, that never left Isak’s mind and stole a portion of his attention.

His guesses were right. The ribbon acted as a constant distraction that Isak couldn’t escape from. No matter where he was, he could feel it, always affecting his every move, suffocating him. It wasn't something you got used to like you would to noise or coldness - it demanded to be noticed.

The ribbon was evil and controlling. When it would hiss its usual malicious comments in his ear, Isak found himself comparing it to a snake. A snake whose sole purpose was to keep Isak from enjoying simple things in life, such as his boyfriend’s gentle touches or consuming something and getting simple pleasure over its taste rather than the overpowering guilt or immense anxiety. The ribbon held him back by alienating him from normal experiences that were no issue for others. It was like a prison, and sometimes Isak didn’t even realise it.

The ribbon was also clever. It kept Isak in its disgustingly sweet chains, poisoning his head with thoughts about how much better it would be to keep it as a part of him, to never even think of letting it go. It promised to give Isak everything he wanted - happiness, health, beauty, worth. But Isak came to learn that the ribbon was never satisfied. Every time he managed to please it by getting rid of another inch on his body, the ribbon made sure to tighten its hold and cover more of him. It dug in deeper, unparalleled with its determination, showing Isak that there was still plenty more to lose. It was on a clear mission to keep going until it someday would be met with only bone instead of flesh, fat and soft skin.

Isak’s relationship with the ribbon was complicated. Part of him loathed it - despised its restrictive nature that wouldn’t leave him alone for even a second. He hated being an unhappy shell, weak and frail, and in rare moments of clarity he could tell it was all because of the ribbon. But part of Isak craved it. He wanted, _needed_ to see the ribbon succeed in its attempt of making Isak wither away until his body reminded a ribbon too, as thin and narrow as one. Living like that was a constant battle and Isak didn't always know which side he was on. Rooting for the ribbon was easier, because truthfully he couldn’t remember a time without the feel of it around him. Its presence brought him comfort.

In his lowest moments Isak vouched for the ribbon, whereas Even despised it. He could see much clearer how much pain it caused Isak - after all, he had a damaging companion in his life as well. Even knew that this was mainly Isak’s fight to fight, just like his own inner demons were his, but that didn’t mean Isak had to face it all by himself. Even was there by his side to help him. Whether that was listening to him talk, holding him as he cried, giving him space when he was irritable or keeping his thoughts in something completely different, Even offered his support, just like Isak did to him when he was struggling. They weren't alone, neither of them. No matter how hard it sometimes was.

Lately Isak had been re-thinking his situation. Things had changed from the times where he needed the ribbon to cope in his stressful, overwhelming life. He sometimes found himself even dreaming of life without the sly restraints, recognizing the moments it made him more than miserable. He wondered how he would begin getting rid of the ribbon, and with the help of Even, figured step one would be admitting to himself that he truly wanted to be freed. A good sign was how that part was already somewhat completed: the ribbon no longer brought Isak fleeting happiness, but left him so drained that ignoring the hurt didn’t feel worth it anymore.

Another step was voicing his thoughts out loud: willingly telling Even about the ribbon and its effects instead of pinning them down to something else. Sorrowful sentences like _“I wish I was healthy and happy like you”_ proved that Isak wasn’t always willing to protect the ribbon and let it do its damage in peace. No, on occasion Isak rebelled against it, purposefully tried to pry it off his body to test how much resistance he would be met with. This proved to be extremely exhausting, though, seeing how hard the ribbon fought back.

There was no simple cure against the ribbon. As much as he would have wanted to, Isak couldn’t simply grab a pair of scissors and snap the creature into two lifeless pieces. What was possible, though, was getting it slowly (and not always so surely) to loosen its grip on him. With professional help, challenging himself every day until it got easier and most importantly, _wanting_ to get away from the ribbon’s grip, a future without it seemed perfectly attainable. Change wouldn’t be linear, the manipulative strip of silk was bound to tighten its grip on Isak from time to time, but setbacks were a part of recovery.

The near future ahead of him seemed difficult, but Isak was confident in the fact that he could make it. It was either that or letting the ribbon win over and bring Isak with it to a grave, and Isak didn’t want that. In the past, when it had all seemed so hopeless, that had been his only goal. But now he was determined to outdo the poisonous entity. The pains, distancing himself from loved ones and sinking deeper into the illness didn’t seem worth it anymore. Isak was forever grateful of the people around him for showing him that there was more to life than feeding this intruder. Over time he would also come to appreciate how strong he himself had been in making this decision and choosing a different path.

Isak had a feeling the ribbon would always be a part of him in some way. The nasty chafes created by its grip that lasted for several years would most likely never fade completely. Nonetheless Isak was excited to see the fabric turn more sheer and brittle, eventually powerless. Maybe it would be significantly weakened but still always wrapped around his little finger, for example. Isak could live with that. He could be strong enough to never let it take over his life ever again no matter how hard it might tempt him. The most important thing was to learn to live without it, to see life clearly, to use all of his brain capacity into enjoying life to the fullest instead of counting calories, weighing himself and unintentionally strengthening the ribbon. Someday Isak would gain back the control he lost and start truly living life again, finally happy, healthy and eating disorder-free. He couldn't wait for that day to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Recovery is tough, but you're tougher. ❤
> 
> Thoughts? Feedback (especially constructive criticism) is hugely welcome.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
